Dear Dr. Aaron: My Fast Boat Left My Wife Behind!

I’ve really gotten myself into a pickle. After five months of relentless begging, negotiating, and a few promises I probably can’t keep, my wife finally gave in and let me buy a new-to-me boat—not just any boat, but a fast boat. We took it out for the first time, and wow, it was everything I hoped for. We cruised the lake, stopped at a restaurant, and for the first time, I felt like I truly belonged among the sleek, powerful boats lined up at the dock.

After our meal, I was feeling pretty proud of myself—great boat, great food, and my wife even seemed to be having fun. Wanting to keep that momentum going (and maybe earn a few more brownie points), I idled through the no wake zone, eyeing that magical moment just beyond—the point where it’s finally “clear to race.” In my head, I was a Shootout legend. I eased the throttle forward, and the boat responded with a roar. It was glorious.

As I soaked in the moment, wind in my hair, engine purring like a lion, I noticed the other boaters were waving at me. At first, I thought they were impressed—maybe even a little jealous. I imagined them saying, “There goes a man who knows how to live.”

Then I turned to my beautiful bride to share in my triumph… and she wasn’t there.

For a moment, time froze. I had a vivid memory of her stepping on the boat. I even remember her untying the rear line. So where was she now? That’s when it hit me.

The boaters weren’t waving in admiration—they were trying to alert me that my wife was still back at the end of the idle zone. Yep. In the water. Right where I left her. I went fast, and she… well, she stayed exactly where I’d last seen her—floating.

So now I’m doing some damage control. She’s sore, understandably salty, and not exactly in a “fast boat mood.” I figured maybe a chiropractic adjustment could help loosen things up—physically and emotionally. You work miracles, Dr. Aaron… think you can help me with this one?

P.S. I’m now looking into getting her a nice life vest, some roses, and possibly a jet ski… so she can catch up next time.

**Dear Fast but Forgetful,**

What a ride—and I don't mean the boat! You finally got your dream speedboat, only to discover that the most important passenger was still back at the no-wake zone!

I imagine your dreams of future fast-boat adventures hit idle pretty quickly after that splashdown.

First things first: make sure your wife is okay. An unexpected fall into the water can cause injuries that aren't immediately obvious. If she's experiencing significant pain, head or neck symptoms, dizziness, or difficulty breathing, she should seek prompt medical evaluation.

Once any injuries have been properly assessed, we'd be happy to discuss whether chiropractic care might be appropriate for her soreness.

As for your marriage? I recommend flowers, dinner, and a very sincere apology. Chiropractic care has its limits!

And remember, horsepower means nothing if you forget your favorite passenger.

Stay afloat,

Dr. Aaron

P.S. You’re lucky she didn’t have the keys to your boat and your truck.