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Dear Dr. Aaron,

I am writing to say you have been awesome as my chiropractor and I believe you are a good man, but for $19.00 one-time fee, I may not need you anymore!!! While scrolling the internet looking at really cool car parts, I noticed a small discreet ad with a very attractive lady in it. Upon closer inspection, the beautiful creature clearly stated I could end all trips to see chiropractors with this miracle machine. I said to myself “Self! You need to pay attention!” after 23 pop up ads were finally discarded- the truth was revealed to me. A small one-time investment of $19.00, and $49.00 shipping, Relief was on the way. I was pins and needles waiting, I canceled my appointments with you, (sorry about fibbing! My dog didn’t really have kittens...) ninety-one and a half hours after clicking the buy now button, it arrived! Sure it wasn’t the steel blue color I hoped for, but off pink is nice too! It was almost easy to figure out, only 4 steps: 1 rotate operation 2 low speed rotating gear 3 rotate the middle 4 high-speed rotating gear. I’m not too good with all that medical talk, so I looked at the pictures. My wife’s spandex took almost 10 minutes for me to get over my butt, and another 5 minutes to make a cutoff shirt, but there I was! All set for my first adjustment. I put it on the carpet and laid down on it. My first impression was Oh my gosh!!! This thing hurts!!!!! But I figured I might not have it adjusted right. If I bring it in, can you help me adjust it, so it can adjust me? I always feel better after you adjust me, but the price of gas is way too high!

Thank you, Dr. Aaron Wannabe My Own Chiropractor

Dear Wannabe,

I am very disappointed to hear I cannot hold your dogs’ kittens! I know how tempting the internet ads are. Once when I was younger, I saw and ad about being my own dentist. It turns out a $300.00 pair of pliers doesn’t make one a dentist. Even if you spend $39.00 on special powers x-ray filters, you cannot look at peoples’ bones, (I’m really sad about that one). There is always a bigger better more nicer “thing” out there and we will always be looking for the next miracle fix. I hope we can get your miracle machine adjusted just right, and you will continue to visit me on occasion. If not, we will restore your appointments and add your contraption to my ever-growing museum of artifacts.

Always here for you, Dr. Aaron

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