Dear Dr. Aaron,

My pets are ruining my life!! My dog watched how I get ice cubes from the front of the refrigerator…. And learned he can get as many icy treats as he wants. My husband hates my cat so I cannot tell him what really happened. My cat knocked the salad oil off the counter he is not allowed to be on, it spilled in the same location as a missed Ice cube from my dog. While retrieving cream for my coffee, my trusty 12 year old slippers did just that, slipped! My hip is all kinds of out of whack, I am struggling to walk can you help and forget about the cat part?

Osage Beach Cat Lover

Dear “Osage Beach Cat Lover (but let’s keep that between us),”

I see what’s going on here: a full-blown animal conspiracy. One furball mastering the fridge like he’s training for Top Chef: Canine Edition, and the other staging covert oil slicks like he’s auditioning for Home Alone: Feline Trap Edition.

While I can’t promise to keep your cat’s criminal record sealed forever, I can help with your hip. Slippers + oil + rogue ice cubes = a perfect storm, and it sounds like your body took the brunt of it.

Come see me. I’ll get you realigned, walking better, and perhaps we can brainstorm ways to cat-proof your kitchen (or at least improve the alibi). Call the office and we’ll schedule you in—just don’t bring the cat unless he’s planning to apologize.

Yours in animal-related mystery injuries,

Dr. Aaron

P.S. We don’t judge pet drama. We treat it.